I got up and started a pot of coffee like I always do. The morning routine always messes with my trend of thought. It's true what a friend said to me about the darkness before the dawn. Lying awake staring at what would be the bedroom ceiling, if I could see it, was, she said, her most productive time.
I agree. But today I race to scribble down bits and pieces of an emotion I know will be fleeting.
The guy really wasn't a great guitarist though in most of the photos I saw had him thumbing a big, badass Fender bass. I realized as I watched him strum an acoustic three chord riff devoid of any seventh note in the turnaround, that I didn't really know him all that well.
I met the man through his partner who, over the many years, came by to repair, reroute or replace our home entertainment system. Every time he entered our master bedroom with a smile he'd ask if I still played.
"Not like I used to man," I said. "My heart just ain't into it much anymore!"
"That's a shame," he'd reply. You really should start again, ya know? It's good for the soul!"
A week or so ago, I pulled out my Fender Mustang and started in on some tunes that I used to play well. Many of them were Christmas songs of the traditional non "Keep Christ in your Christmas" type. I hadn't play in so long my finger tips were no longer callous enough to play for very long.The days of playing till my fingers bled were last since gone, but my intention was to get my fingers strong enough to join him with my acoustic guitar to play some swamp music. I knew that he liked Creedence Clearwater Revival. I thought that it would be a nice surprise and some fun.
Every day for over a month, my friend would video tape himself playing and singing a gospel song. I told him how much I enjoyed his daily performance, but not being into gospel music, was amazed at how many songs there really are to sing. And, he sang them very well and pretty much from memory.
My fractured thinking isn't strong enough to put down in words this feeling of great loss. Casey's last performance was a few days ago when he sang the lyrics to a well known Christmas song... "Away in a Manger". His voice was still quite strong, though it wavered and cracked as he sang Christmas greetings to everyone on the eve of His birth. At 2:40 am, December 29th, Casey's gospel song book and guitar were permanently put to rest.
"I love you Lord Jesus; look down from the sky,
And stay by my side until morning is nigh."
The morning light distracts. It splinters my concentration into too many pieces. My eyes steal away what the darkness provides. Always.
I think I'll have a second cup!
Copyright 2018/ Ben Bensen III
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