"A Companion For His Magical Montana Mystery Tour!"

A breakfast quiche at Giddy Up coffeehouse

Good “Sandra likes me best” Wednesday Morning, y’all.

Saw Badass this morning. He’s recuperated from that alumni gathering he was a part of last weekend. He said he had a good time, but lamented the fact that only fifteen friends made it to the reunion.

"I seem to be outliving everyone," he said in a rather conflicted way.

"Cuz you're a stubborn sonofabitch, Larry!"

Changing the subject, I asked him if he went to have another biopsy on Monday. He said he did and it “didn’t hurt!” He said that he would get the results back in a week. They’re checking out his lungs for any returning mesothelioma tumors… so far, so good!

“It don’t make no difference, Ben,” he said. He always says that!

Thinking that wasn’t a good topic to further pursue, I asked him about giving the sketch that I fixed for him to his old “use-to-be!”

With a smile, he said, “Yeh, she really liked it with all the changes!”

“I told her that I paid six hundred dollars for it. I almost got a “smooch” out of it,” he said with a wink.

“She might have given you one, if you hadn’t told her how much you spent on the sketch,” I replied.

“She probably thought you were a spend thrift, ha!”

“I know. I, later, told her that I was lying, but she didn’t believe me!”

“It don’t matter none!”

I have a hunch that he wants a companion for his Magical Montana Mystery Tour to frolic with amongst the buffalo… preferably a female one!

Just then, Sandra came by and derailed our conversation by delivering my Greek Frittata.

“You gonna eat all that, alfalfa sprouts and all?” Badass asks.

“Of course,” I replied. “It’s Sandra’s Special" 'cuz...

“She likes me best!”

“She must,” Larry said.

First cup!

Copyright 2024/Ben Bensen III

"One Hell Of A Sermon!"

There's another one somewhere in Montana!

 Good “wrasslin’ Wednesday, all bodies.

When I arrived, Badass was sitting by himself. His buddies, Herb Galloway and Tom Burns was ensconced in our normal sitting area talking cattle… like they always do. Larry didn’t wanna impose, he said.

As we so often do, old Badass drifts into theology with me. I think he’s trying to save me before he kicks the bucket. Today, Larry gets the lowdown on his health and although he says, “it don’t mean nuthin’“, I know it does.

Because one of Larry's pet peeves is priests preaching about things they don't know, I proceeded to aggravate and distract him by asking to explain the difference between priests and pastors being ignorant of real people and how they live their life, or are they being just plain stupid.

Analogies abound, but...

“Although, when we was younger, me and my buddy were at Mass at St. Peter’s in Covington and this man started to nod off,” he said.

“Mustah been one boring ass sermon,” I replied.

“No, he said. The guy, who was sitting between me and my buddy, slid into my friend’s shoulder and he didn’t know what to do, so he pushed the man’s head over toward me and my shoulder!

“Freaked me out 'cuz that man was out cold,” Larry said.

“Aw, c’mon now, man,” I replied. “He stayed there on your shoulder through the entire rest of the Mass?”

“No, we called a priest to come check on the guy. We were nervous that someone would think we killed him... Or sumpthin.”

“And, that priest checked the man out and declared that, indeed, he was dead!” Must have had a heart attack right there in church,” he said.

“Now, Badass continues with a laugh, that’s a priest that knows the difference from being ignorant or being just plain stupid!”

Playing along as best as I could, I replied,"In that case, it mustah been one HELL of a sermon!”

I know, I know, but just couldn’t help myself…

No cups, yet!

Copyright 2022/ Ben Bensen III

"You Know... Where The Buffaloes Roam And All That Stuff,"

The Famous Montana Hat...

I received a call yesterday morning from Larry Leonard. Well, that's what the phone told me who was calling, but I didn't recognize the voice and the only Larry I knew that might call me was my next door neighbor.

It didn't sound like him.

"Hi, Mr. Ben, this is Larry!"

"Hey there, Larry" I replied.

"Larry who?" I asked.

"Mr. Ben, this is Larry... Badass Larry," he said.

I could tell something was up. Badass has never called me. He got a new flip phone a few months ago and barely knew how to use it. I tried to "edjamacate" him, but he was too embarrassed to learn.

"Hey man, wassup?"

Sniffles in the background made me think about the worse. Larry carried a small 22 caliber pistol on a belt holster next to the belt holster that houses his seldom used flip phone.

Polite as ever, asking me how Therese and I were, he told me that his wife of sixty plus years had passed away earlier in the morning.

Disguising my real sigh of relief, I quickly attempted to share his grief at losing her.

Upon hearing that me Dad has passed away, I felt that same sigh of relief.

"Do you wanna meet at Giddy Up? Is there something I can do to help you out? Please let me help," I begged him.

"No, he said, I just come back from there!"

Talking a bit about arrangements for her funeral, I reminded him that I wanted to be a part of his grief and offered another visit at the coffeehouse if he wanted.

After hanging up the phone, I immediately thought of his beloved cowboy hat. Because I lusted after it, he promised to buy me one when he leaves this all behind and moves to Montana... if his wife passed away before he did.

Seems like every morning, Badass would sit alone with his cinnamon roll and coffee and complain about his life with his wife who suffered for years with Parkinsons. The entire scene is pretty sad, and I'd always do what I could to listen and put a smile on his face.

"Dude, you've got diabetes on top of your Mesothelioma, you cannot be drowning your dreams in cinnamon rolls," I'd say in a "sweet talking" admonishment.

"What about your Montana? You wanna return there, don't you?"

"You know... where the buffaloes roam and all that stuff," I'd say.

"Aw, Ben... it don't matter much, anymore!"

With a "nudge, nudge, wink wink," I'd remind him how I much I needed him to return to Montana to buy me that cowboy hat. Apparently, that's where the hat came from when he was younger and had once visited his newest faraway place.

Defending in a rather befuddled way, he'd tell me about the latest abuse his wife would bestow on him.

"It... it don't matter much. She doesn't know what she's doing!"

I guess we all have a need for that special place here on earth where things are bound to be better. Some dreams do come true. It will be interesting to see if indeed, Badass leaves it all behind and return to the "badlands of Montana"...

And, buy me that hat!

First cup

Copyright 2022/Ben Bensen III

"When All At Once A Mighty Herd Of Red Eyed Cows, He Saw,"

Badass Larry

Good "Throwback Thursday" Day, y'all.

So funny. A couple days ago, at GiddyUp, Frank, me, Badass Larry, and big Al were sitting around yapping about our "dead zones" when Larry mentions a time when he took his girlfriend out to a local dance hall and requested Fat's,"Blueberry Hill", and "Ghost Riders In the Sky" which the band played.

"Last Saturday, at The GiddyUp, he said, I asked the band to play "Ghost Riders" and the man never heard of it."

"Whaddya think about that, Ben?"

"Well, did you ask the guitar player?" I asked.

"Weren't no gitar player in the band!"

"Aw man. Well, that's why the band couldn't play it," I said.

"You know, I used to be able to play that song... It is really not that hard to learn!"

So, as I'm playing air guitar and singing the clippity-clop bass line of the song, Frank sneaks in with the first stanza...

"An old cowboy went ridin' out one dark and windy day,

Upon a ridge he rested as he went along his way.

When all at once a mighty herd of red eyed cows, he saw,

Plowed through the ragged skies and up a cloudy draw!"

Slappin' my hands against my thighs, and still singing the bass line, Big Al jumps in with,"Yippee Yi Yea", Yippee Yi Oooooo". Then, we all, 'cept Badass, sang...

"The Ghost Riders In the Sky!"

"Well, damn, Larry replied, you guys are REALLY good!"

No one could remember the line about the brands on fire, so we kinda laughed it all off. Frank got distracted and moseyed off, and we went back to sippin' our coffee.

Once again, just yesterday, Larry mentioned "GhostRiders!"

"Do you know who first did that song?" he asked.

"Um, I'm pretty sure Vaughn Monroe made the song popular, but I think the first to perform it was the "'Sons of the Pioneers!"

"Tell you what, Larry, let's look it up in Wikipedia... Whaddya say?"

So we looked the song up and found that a movie cowhand named Stan Jones wrote the song in 1948/49. I then said... "You wanna hear Vaughn Monroe's version?"

"Yeh, Badass Larry replied. We can listen to him "first!"

"First?" I said.

Then came, Johnny Cash's version. Then, Bing Crosby, believe it or not. Then came, Willie Nelson, then Burl Ives (that's the version I like best... keepin' it simple!) and finally, Frankie Laine.

I know that I put a smile on old Larry's face, but with his Covid concerns, it was kinda hard to tell!

First cup!

Copyright 2021/ Ben Bensen III